Notes

I haven't posted much. Honestly, I'm going through a really rough patch. I am feeling the passing of time excruciatingly; watching the kids grow up has suddenly, hopefully temporarily, turned more bitter than sweet. However lousy I feel, I know I'll feel worse if I don't even take a stab at updating here, so some short notes:

• Tonight, just minutes ago, I heard Jack chortling all alone, in the dark, in his crib. It was like a miracle. I can hardly stand it sometimes. I went in to enjoy the company and we had a talk about what was funny - the pacifier was funny, Pink Doll was funny, Grandma was funny, Aunt Deborah was especially funny. I want to crawl inside of him and live there.
  
  
• Jack got tubes in his ears last week on Monday. We were pretty sure he needed them but not 100%; we're now the "after" video of parents saying "I wish we'd done it a year ago." He's slept through the night every single night since it was done. He was amazing at the hospital; they said that most kids get really upset about the mask. I tried to head it off by talking about playing dress-up, and wearing a mask. Luckily all the nurses and doctors were already wearing theirs; he was confused but okay about it after that. Stewart held him on his lap and I knelt in front of him and we sang "ABC" and then "Twinkle, Twinkle." About 3/4 of the way through Twinkle I watched the focus go out of his eyes; he slumped over and the nurses transferred him to the table. I lost it entirely and Stewart led me out. Less than 20 minutes later it was all over.
  
  
• Nate was really sick for the first time in years - spiking in the 102s, laying in bed alone for hours, feverish for 5 full days. He let me lay next to him in bed and rub his back; it was all the comfort I could give him. He started fighting the Motrin after a few days, so he would just lay still and sad in bed or on the couch.
  
  
• Nate and I like to watch the "cake shows" together now: Ace of Cakes and The Cake Boss. He thinks every cake is beautiful and amazing. I think he's beautiful and amazing.
  
  
• Today I put little chocolate-chip mini-scones in their after-school snack and Jack said "Mama? Tastes chockate!" It was the first "observation" type statement he's really ever made and it blew me away.
  
  
• Jack loves cereal with milk.
  
  
• Nate says "like" every third word now. Last week he told me "I kind of have like a headache."
  
  
• When Jack is done with his cereal, he lifts the bowl up to his mouth and slurps up all the leftover milk.
  
  
• Stewart has taught the boys to lick their fingers and then stick them in the sugar bowl. They all say "Mmmmmmm....good!" Jack says "Mmmmmm....DOOD!" with amazing force and relish.

I meant to add some photos but my new computer has a wacky photo program and if I wait to figure it out I'll never get this posted. The end.

When Jack is tired...

he's like a drunken frat boy. Some kids turn into monsters when they're tired, fussy and irritable. Jack gets wasted. He's smiley, goofy, stumble-ey, stagger-ey, giggly...

He's in bed for the night right now but hoping for a reprieve. He knows to go for the sucker: Daddy, but keeps getting Mommy. When I just walked in he was standing at the crib rail, smiling at me. I walked towards him to help settle him and he plopped backwards onto his bottom, looked at me, grinned, and said "fell down!"

Wasted baby.

Jackabean

Jack's been having a terrible time with sleep for the last few months - ear infections started it up, then he figured out we'd come when he called, and that power has gone straight to his head. We're trying to do a gentle sleep-training to get him back to where he was before; it's somewhat successful. Let's just say that a good night means he only wakes up once and goes back down without a fight.

At night when I put him to bed I ask him if he wants to sit together in the chair for a minute; we rock and I sing to him. A few nights ago he was sobbing after I put him down. When I went in to him, he was doing that gasping, crying, talking thing and when I finally figured out what he was saying my heart broke a little bit: "Chair minute?" He was asking to sit in the chair with me. I broke my own rules and pulled him out of the crib for a cuddle.

Tonight he wasn't crying, just calling to me to have me come back in. My rule is to go in, give him back his paci and doll, cover him back up, and leave. I went through the plan fine the first time, but as I'm tucking him in the second time he looks at me and says "hug?"

There was hugging.

Nate update

Not a formal newsletter but a little update on my sweet Nate.



We're enjoying the bounty of Chanukah right now and Nate's thrilled with his gifts. His favorite are the Backugan I got him and the little carrying case to keep them organized. He loves the Captain Underpants stories from Grandma, the police legos from Aunt Drebba, and the dinosaur from our neighbors David & David. Surprisingly, he's really into Hi-Ho-Cherry-O which is really fun for me.

School is going amazingly well. I'm thrilled with their program (right now they're doing a 6-week unit on "Solids, Liquids, and Gasses") and Nate's still heading out happily each morning. We should be getting his first-ever report card soon and I'm excited to hear what they have to say. He had his first field-trip last week, to see the Terra Cotta Warriors at the National Geographic Museum, and I got to chaperon which was a hoot. I definitely learned more than they did.



Today when I picked him up from school he told me that "Today was the best best best day ever, better than the other days I told you that!" They mixed some kind of powder with water and got to play with the results. The time that was best best before this time was because they got to do painting on a long sheet of paper that everyone painted on together. I am so grateful and glad that Nate loves to learn, and that he's in a school that encourages it and brings out the best in him.

He's still an absolutely amazing brother, almost always sweet to Jack - bringing him favorite toys when he's upset, sharing his Chanukah presents, trying to include him in play. He loves to be helpful, and he usually is. It's hilarious to listen to him try to "translate" Jack for me - if I can't understand Jack, Nate chimes in with "He says X" and he's almost always totally wrong. But it's fun.



Tonight his Chanukah present was the Tag reading system and he liked it a lot more than I was worried he would. He played with it alone for at least 15 minutes (a bit of a miracle from my "play with me" boy!) and we played with it in bed tonight instead of "regular" reading. I showed him how he could try sounding words out himself and then use the pen to check himself. I absolutely could not believe it when he correctly sounded out, otherwise known as READ, several words: books, look, cup, milk, cat, and hat. I actually teared up after the fourth word; I am so amazed and proud of him.

A few weeks ago when I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up (a frequent question) he told me that he wanted to be a McDonalds guy and also go into outer space. Roger.

Tonight he tried to play me for the first time: he wandered into the kitchen with a sly smile on his face and said "Since you're such a nice Mom, I know you'll let us watch a TV show..." I gave him full credit for the effort. TV denied.

He is absolutely amazing, frustrating, brilliant, sensitive, and fabulous.

Babylon

(First snow)

So Jack has exploded all over the place. The talking is just too cute. He's repeating almost everything we say. There's a little ritual every time I tell him a new word:

(Reading an animal book)

Mama: What's that Jack? (pointing at a snail)
Jack: Bug
Mama: It's a snail. Snnnaaillll...
Jack: Snail???
Mama: Snail.
Jack: Snail.

He always repeats the word as a question first, then really decisively the second time. He still has weird accents and speech things ("Yes" is still "ess" though he threw in a "yeah" this morning) but the content is really diverse now, and he's using phrases.

In no particular order:

• "Watch dis, Mama!"
• (Looking at the camera: "Picture Jack!")
• "Hear dat?"
• "Have it" when he wants something, or "Hold it"
• When he's saying goodbye, he often follows it with "Soon!" for "see you soon!"
• "Taller"
• "Chocolate", "Chocolate milk"
• "Downstairs"
• "Under"
• "Dinosaurs" (pronounced "dino-saur-US")
• "Heavy"
• "HUGE truck!" (or bus, or car, or dinosaurUS)
  

This morning he recognized and named a triangle when we were doing puzzles. He's still completely clueless on colors - everything is "blue." My most favorite thing is when he's asking for something like milk but forgets the "please" - I tell him to ask me nicely and he looks at me sweetly and says "nicely?"

Couldn't be cuter.

Jack's Monthly Newsletter, Two Years!

Dear Jack,

My poor sweet boy. Here I am late with yet another newsletter! Does it count that I am here, doing it, trying? I hope so.



So...you're two! Good job! We had your checkup and everything went swimmingly. You did have yet another ear infection, but that's par for the course. Your stats were:

Height: 34.5 (50-75th percentile)
Weight: 27.5 (75-90th percentile)
Head circumfrence: 95th percentile

I don't know what's up with that big head of yours but they seem entirely uninterested in it. They're also totally unphased by your language anymore, as are Daddy and I. I think the doctor was far more concerned with my sanity when I presented her with a list I'd made of your words...alphabetized. In my defense, it was only alphabetized because I needed a way to weed out duplicate entries (banana was on there three times). Anyway, as of that visit the list was over 80 words and I know for sure there were some missing.



But since that visit goodness your language has made that "explosion" that everyone talks about. You're just adding words left and right, and taking it to a whole new level besides basic nouns. My personal favorite is "thee-uns" where you're pointing at something you want or need - these ones. You're also saying "see..." to point something out to us. When you want something someone else has you're tacking "too" on the end - "cookie too" and such. You were saying "aye" for yes for weeks, which we adored, but now it's just "esss." You picked up "watch this!" when you were jumping on the bed with Nate, and my other favorite - "okay" which is almost always followed by Mama, so I hear "okay Mama" all day and it just makes me happy. You also say "no tanks" now which made Deborah offer you something you didn't want, over and over, just to hear you say it again and again. Yesterday Kari told you "Don't do that!" and you've been saying "no do that!" ever since.

Oh my goodness. Did I seriously get this far through this letter without mentioning the abysmal mood you've been in for the past month? It started October 31st; we got you your H1N1 shot in the morning and then you burned the dickens out of your hand that afternoon at a Halloween party. You were obviously testy that day, and the next, but literally a month later and things have only marginally improved. I have picture after picture of you that looks like this:



and this



and although it's cute and funny in a way, it's getting really old. Seriously old. There's a lot of whining, clinging, scrabbling, fussing, and generally being a grumpy demanding pain in the ass. When you don't like something, you shout "no!" and punch whatever it is away from you. When I offer you some snack on a plate or in a bag, you try to force me, loudly and incessantly, to give you the whole darn bag to hold. You've gotten to that cliche point where you want everything you want the way you want it.

If memory serves, Nate started with the "terrible twos" around 18 months so I was thinking I was in the clear with you. But I think, as in every other department, you're catching right up. I'm glad you're advancing and progressing and all, but maybe in this one area you could let things slide a little?



But really truly none of that matters. Not an ounce. When we're out in public you snake an arm around my thigh, reach for my hand, ask to be held, or find some other way to stay touching me. I'll sit down somewhere in the house while you play only to have you come find me, lay yourself over my lap, and sigh "Mama..." at me. When we lay in bed together you've taken to snaking one hand under my neck and one over and pulling my head into yours. We murmur back and forth "Love you, Jack"..."Luh you Mama"..."Love you baby"..."Luh you Mama" and I count every single blessing that you are to me. You are the most loving boy I've ever known and I'm so grateful for you. We are lucky beyond measure to have you in our lives.

Love,
Mama

Nate's smart little mouth

So a few weekends ago Stewart took the boys to Charlottesville to celebrate Peepa's 78th birthday (I had a prior commitment). I was talking to them on the phone on Saturday and having a choppy speaker-phone "conversation" with Nate. At one point we were talking over each other, then a long pause, and Nate asks me what I was going to say. I told him "I was going to say that I love you and I miss you!" Another long pause, and he replies: "So say it!"

He wasn't trying to be smart, but it had Stewart and I howling.

As a side note, every time we read one of the Thomas the Train books, Jack gets to the page with Sir Topham Hatt and exclaims "Peepa!" I've given up trying to explain. Now Sir Topham Hatt is Peepa. Fine with me.

There was a second thing but for the life of me I've already forgotten it. So I'll go on to write about how it looks like Nate might actually be really smart. It's worrying us. We weren't anticipating it. But Nate keeps stuffing it in our faces, over and over, and we're getting to the point where we just can't ignore it anymore.



In the car a few days ago we were spelling words, one of his favorite things to do. We obviously spelled out Nate and then he asked me to spell out Shane with him (our friend Kari's son who stayed the weekend with us). We did, and then I asked him "What is the only letter from your name that isn't in Shane's name." He thought for a while, and then said "T!" Right on, baby.

Stewart took him on an errand walk yesterday and they were talking about the color of the leaves and Stewart told him that they turn from red to orange to yellow, then die and fall off the tree. Nate totally called him on that nonsense by pointing out the red leaves lying on the ground - that they hadn't turned to any other colors, just red. Genius boy. (He followed this conversation up by narc-ing the leaf-color nonsense out to me and giving me the chance to debunk it.)

He also used a Sesame Street alphabet book to figure out the names of the characters he didn't know - he was able to use the first letter of their names to figure it out (like using "G" to figure out that it was Grover, and "T" to figure out that it was Telly).

And a few days ago he read the word "start." He sounded out all five letters perfectly; he just failed at squshing them together to figure out what the word really said. Progress.

Jack's Monthly Newsletter, One Year Eleven Months

Dear Jack,

I'm about to write this newsletter and mention what an amazing turn-around you've made in your sleep habits, and as I'm trying to find the words you're completely resisting your nap for the first time in months. I type a few words, go into your room, give you back your pink doll and paci, tuck you in, come back to the computer, get my thoughts together, and you start yelling "Mom! Mom! Mom!" again.



On the whole, though, you're a sleeping miracle. You go to bed at 7:30 pm and wake up around 7:30 am. We take Nate to school, come home, play for a while, read some books, and you go down for a nap around 11. Most days you wake at 2 or even 2:30! And when you're home, you're easy as pie: you putter, read books, play with the train set, dismantle the kitchen, zoom airplanes around the house. Sometimes I have to intentionally play with you because otherwise it's so easy for me to work the whole time you're awake. You really are the easiest baby.

And I know you're not a baby, Jack. You're turning 2 next month, but I can't process it. When Nate was your age, he seemed like a little boy to me. You still seem like my sweet baby and it's hard for me to switch my thinking around. Your language is coming along now; I think that'll help you seem more like a little boy. (Gratuitous shot of you fingerpainting with chocolate pudding:)



You have your 2-year checkup in a month so I'm making list of your words as I notice them. This morning I added nuts, NOW!, why, and sleeping to the list for a total of 70 words and I'm sure there are a few others I haven't pinned down. You've also started regularly using 2 words together - this morning you asked for "juice please Mom." You've asked me to "open banana" for you, requested the "train book", slid off the carousel with an "all done horsie" and clutched numerous toys to your chest while chanting "mine phone (or mine train or mine whatever)". These days "mine" is ranking as favorite word #1.

You remain the bad influence in this house, Jack. Your poor brother never bit, hit, pushed, or kicked until you came along and started whacking at him all the time. For a while he was hitting (or pushig or biting) you back but now he just calls to me in a resigned voice: "Mom, Jack just hit me one time (or two times or lots of times)" and I come along and sternly tell you "NO HITTING!" at which point you grin at me and take another swing at Nate. I've tried time-out but you truly don't understand it at all so I'm left with getting more and more frustrated and pulling you away and talking sharply which also doesn't seem to be helping at all. Shocking, right?

On the flip side, you're incredibly loving and affectionate. You pull at me to pick you up and then rest your head on my shoulder murmering "Mama...mama...mama". You sigh with love. When Daddy comes home you run to him squealing. You look at Nate with love and hug him tight. During the day you sometimes gather up Pink Doll, paci, and your big yellow blanket and stumble towards me with them all in your arms; I pick you up and we settle in on the green recliner for a little snuggle time. You and Deborah had a good cuddle on the train on the way to Boston:



Last week we were emptying out of the car after picking Nate up at school and I saw Sophia and her Mommy down the street in front of their house. It was almost 2 blocks away and I only knew it was them because 1) it was outside of their house, 2) one was tall and one was short, and 3) they were white. You looked up and saw them and took off running, yelling "Hi!". I got you safely across the street and you ran the rest of the way to them, stopped in front of Sophia, and wrapped your arms around her middle. I could have died of love. I was also astounded at your amazing eyesight - you get that from your Daddy!



You are the sweetest thing going, Jack, and I would happily freeze you in time if I could. You're about as perfect as a boy could be and I don't know what good thing I did in a past life to deserve you, but I'm enjoying every second of it. I'm so glad you're you.

Love,
Mama