Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Milestone Moment!

This morning Nate rolled from front to back. This was made easier by being on a squishy surface at the time, but I'm still marking it down as a milestone.

And we now have four nights in a row of 6+ hours of sleep in a row!

I've decided that, in addition to this blog, I need to make a regular scrapbook, with real photos. So we're heading out for a walk to Barnes & Noble, where I have some gift certificates, to buy some supplies. Stopping off at Hechts to do a little holiday shopping on the way, with my 20% off ALL DAY shopping pass! Wahoo!

What an exciting life, huh?


I feel like everything is getting away from me. Nate is getting so big and grown-up, and I'm scared I won't remember the way he looked and acted, since I'm already forgetting how he was just weeks ago. I keep pushing Stewart to take more photos and more video. I don't want to forget a single second, and I know I'm going to. Sigh.

Right now, he's stuck between smiling these huge grins and laughing. I know the laugh is coming, but he just doesn't do it yet. I'm already one of those parents - I wanted him to smile, and he does. Now I'm pushing him to do the next thing! Nothing ever satisfies these demanding parents.

I was talking with a friend today about our deliveries. We both had tough ones, in different ways. I was telling her about the details, and it all came crashing in how incredibly sad I am about the day Nate was born. I feel shockingly sorrowful about everything I missed out on. When they finally pulled him out, all I felt was relief that it was over. When he wasn't crying, I wasn't scared. When they brought him around the screen, I was happy to see him, but I was still so freaked out about the surgery. I don't remember his first cry. I don't remember nursing him for the first time. Most: I wish, wish, wish I could have seen him be born.

I'm not too sentimental, and I'm surprised at how raw I feel about this. I would do almost anything to go back and experience it differently. I keep asking Stewart - you really didn't see him come out of me? And he didn't. He was busy keeping me sane, and I don't resent him for it for a moment. But I can't believe our son was born without the deep rejoycing that the moment deserved. I can't believe that he was quiet and not breathing, and I wasn't praying for him every second. I can't believe that I missed it all.

I'm sorry, Nate. If I had known then what I know now, I would have gotten over my stupid panic and spent every second thinking about you.

Monday, November 28, 2005


I wrote a long post yesterday, but it's disappeared into the ether. Probably for the best!

Nate slept 7 hours straight the last two nights. My boy is a super-star!

We finally got a few pictures of him smiling. Here's my favorite:

I'll post some more in the next newsletter. We took them at Eliza's two-year birthday party! Happy birthday, sweet girl.

The Great Cloth Diaper Experiment is over. I just don't have the energy to keep up with it anymore. I know I was saving money on diapers, but I swear I was spending at least as much doing the extra laundry that it took to clean the diapers and his clothing all the time! The cloth leaked like crazy, even with as careful as I was, and his clothes were always getting poopy. So, enough's enough. I gave it the two months I promised myself I'd give it, and I'm out.

The cloth-diaper websites promise that it's just as easy to use cloth as disposables. They're liars. First you have to fasten the cloth around the squirmy baby, and that's crazy. Then you have to put on the diaper cover, making sure it's snug all the way around without any diaper peeking out. If you try just putting the prefold diaper inside the cover, and fastening like a regular diaper, then there's a huge leak anytime the fluid gets a little heavy. And this boy can pee, so there's always plenty of fluid.

Now what do I do with the $75 credit at the cloth-diaper store?!?! :-)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Deep thoughts

I always thought I'd look at my child and marvel at what I'd created. At how he was a piece of me, grown from me.

I just don't feel that way at all. When I look at Nate, I see Nate! He grew in me, and I know that my egg got the ball rolling, but I just don't feel like I made him. He was himself from the start, and I was the incubator. I'm happy for the part I played!

Nate is very smiley these days. I'd love to feel all warm and fuzzy about it, and I do, but he smiles at the wall, too, and at the waitress at the restaurant. He's just a good natured boy.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

He's shrinking!

Very quick post. Two month checkup shows Nate at 13 pounds, 10 ounces and 24 inches long/tall/high. This puts him at 90th percentile for weight (same as one-month), and 70th - 90th for height (95th at the one-month). The basketball scholarship might be out of the picture, but I think football is still in play.

Next checkup at 4 months!

(And yes, smugness is bad. He was up twice each of the last two nights. Mama is sleepy.)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Is smugness a bad thing?

Nate slept 7.5 hours last night. Straight. In a row. Consecutively.

I kept waking up, expecting to hear him complaining. At 6:30, I heard him moving around a lot (not crying, just moving). I got him up, fed him for a few minutes, and he went unconscious again. I put him down, and then had some time to myself! I pumped, read a little, stared out the window, and went back to bed. I think he went another 2 hours!

So that's my happy life right now. Also happy about the $35 I saved at my last shopping trip with coupons. $40 was saved with my bonus card, and another $35 with coupons. I am the queen of coupons. I even set up a little second bank account for my coupon savings, and will be depositing it tomorrow.

It's a tiny little life, but it's mine and I love it.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Come together right now!

Things are really coming together here at the Davis-Wagner house. We're starting to get a real nighttime routine going.

Nate leads off with a good bout of fussiness and needyness, starting around 6 or 7. I turn into a human pacifier from then until 10, when it's bathtime. Stewart gives him his bath, sings silly songs to him, and gets him ready for bed. Bedtime attire is a disposable diaper one size too large (to hold everything in), and the super-secret-double-swaddle that we've perfected. While Stewart has time with Nate, I rush downstairs and frantically try to accomplish something like catching up on e-mail, or just staring at the wall. Hey, anything's fun when you get to do it by yourself every now and then!

Stewart then delivers the burrito baby to me for one last nurse, or a suck on a pacifier, whichever the prince prefers. He nods off, I put him in the crib with the white-noise machine going, and that's it! Last night, he went 6 hours before waking, the night before was 4, and the night before that was 5. He eats, back down for 2 hours or so, and then up again. Sometimes a third short rest after that feed, but usually he's up for good.

Daytime is stil a total mess. I'm trying to be so firm about having him nap in the crib, but he's equally determined not to. So I get him to sleep, put him in the crib, and he settles in beautifully. I go downstairs, sit down at my desk, and hear him crying. I make sure he's up for real, go up and get him, and repeat this process 5 times. Then I let him sleep in his swing, or on top of me, since at that point he's so sad and tired that I can't stand to let it go on any longer. Today I'm going to try swaddling him for daytime rest, too; I've been resisiting since I don't want daytime naps to be too deep, but I can't let him be so tired anymore.

A little about me: I was shocked to see my weight the same after Milano Fest 2005. Friend Beth came into town for 5 days to soak up some Nate time, and we spent it either walking briskly around town or sitting glued to the couch stuffing cookies into our faces. Who knew that you could burn calories eating that quickly?!

Off to pay some bills before the prince awakens. Ain't it a fancy life?

Sunday, November 6, 2005

Monthly Newsletter, Month Two

Dear Nate,

This morning, at 5 a.m., you smiled at me from your changing table. It was the first smile that wasn't a response to mine (I'm rarely smiling at 5 a.m.!). You lay there, looked up at me, and grinned. It was one of those moments where everything feels right in my world.

You started returning our smiles about 2 weeks ago, and they've become more and more frequent. You start with a regular smile and it turns into a big, open-mouth grin. Everyone who gets one feels so lucky!

In the last week or so, you've gotten very interested in looking at people. Before, you mostly looked at the pictures on the walls or at lights. Now you focus right in on me, or Daddy, or all of the friends who come over to see you.

For about 3 weeks, starting when you were about a month old, you quit sleeping much at night. Two hours, like clockwork, and then awake for a feed. You were good about going right back to sleep after each feed, but still! We figured out that your swaddle blanket was too small, so we upgraded to the bigger size and now you're sleeping about 3 (sometimes 4) hours at a stretch! Makes Mama very happy, and when Mama's happy, Daddy's happy too. Good job, son.

You could use some work on the daytime sleeping, though. You like to be awake for hours, and then you get tired and cranky. One would think that the next step would be to FALL ASLEEP. But that's not your plan. You seem to like being tired and cranky, and insist on being that way for hours. It's tough on those around you, but you're sticking to your plan. I love your determination.

You show real perseverence in the thumb-sucking department, too. You are absolutely determined to get that thumb in there, but you have little control over your intentions. You mostly suck at your fist, turning it this way and that and slurping the whole time. Sometimes, accidentally, your thumb finds it's way into your mouth and you suck frantically. When the thumb disappears, you get right back to work on finding it. I love how hard you work at it, and how you never give up or get frustrated.

At your one-month checkup, you were 90th percentile for weight and 95th for height. I'm so curious what your two-month checkup will bring (we'll know in a week). Will you level off, or keep climbing? Either way is fine with me, but I have to admit that I'd love you to take after your Daddy in this department.

But right now, everyone thinks that you look like your Grandpa (my father). I saw it first in the hospital, and about 10 people have thought so since. Only one person has thought you look like your Daddy, though you have his feet exactly.

You absolutely love this crazy mobile we have over your crib. After you're fed and changed in the morning, I put you in the crib and turn on the mobile. You grin at it the moment it starts up. I use that time to clean up, or shower, or other wild and crazy things like those. I don't use it often, but it's nice to have a place to put you where you feel happy and I don't have to be the one doing the work!

You have impeccable timing. Just when I need to go somewhere, you get sleepy and fall asleep for the whole drive. When we visit with friends and family, you usually get into one of your golden moods with smiles and cuteness abouding. I don't know how you do it!

You can be counted on to be happy and quiet in several situations: the stroller, the carseat, and the bathtub. During those cranky hours, it's nice to know that we can pull out a solution and count on it working. We give you a bath every night, and you sit there calmly for at least 20 minutes. When you're really calm, we can tell - you pee a fountain all over the wall or all over us.

We can also count on this: you are NOT going to go lightly into the world of bottle-drinking. While I admire, and enjoy, your determiantion when it suits my needs, I would trade it in an instant for a little compliance in this department. So far, we have 3 "successful" bottle-feeding occasions, and each time you drank an ounce or two. Weak, weak, weak. Daddy is the only one to get you to drink, but even he can't get you to take more than this. Eventually, I'm just going to have to leave you here and let you "sink or swim." I think when you get hungry enough you'll eat. If you're anything like me, you'll give in!

I didn't know what life was going to be like with a son. I had an image of what it would be like with a daughter, and how we'd feel towards each other, based on being a daughter and knowing about the relationship with my Mom. I'm so curious what we'll be like together - will we be buddies? Will you let me hug you? Will you want to tell me about your life?

But the truth is that I've never been so present and content with anything before. I'm usually looking towards tomorrow, and next week, and next year. And I do look forward to that with you; taking you to the park, throwing a ball around, and even taking you to college. But I'm happy here with you today, doing the little things that make up our life together.

Any which way, it's going to be a great life. We're very lucky to be living it.


Friday, November 4, 2005

Who's askin'?!?!

Could I ask a favor? I'm curious who's reading this blog, and if it's anybody besides my dear Mama. Could you post a "comment" and let me know who's there?


Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Solving problems since 2005!

Stewart and I were talking about the 2-hour sleeps that Nate does all night. He suggested swaddling him again, and I told him about the failed swaddle experiment over the weekend. Nate gets his hands under the top half of the swaddle blanket, and ends up with the blanket over his head which is a) counterproductive and b) scary for Mama.

A lightbulb went off in my mind as we were talking - I bought Nate a larger sized swaddle blanket at BRU last time we were there. Stewart found it, and I swaddled him up, not expecting miracles. Does 11:30 pm to 4:10 am count as a miracle? You're darn tooting it does. And 4:30 to 7:30 doesn't hurt, either. If I'm that smart on so little sleep, I should be solving calculus problems today!

So I got some sleep, but I'm still breaking about 10 baby-training rules. He's depending on the swaddle, and he's sucking himself to sleep (either on me or on Paci) and often being rocked to sleep. He's also back to sleeping in our room. But I think Stewart's right - you do anything you have to do to get through the first 3 months, and then you start thinking long-term. Amen, hubby.

I'm treating myself with a long walk to the movies this morning! I don't know what they're showing at the Reel Moms showing, and I don't care. I'll see Friday the 13th if I have to. I'll have to keep my eyes closed the whole time, but I bet Nate will love it!