Monday, January 11, 2010


I haven't posted much. Honestly, I'm going through a really rough patch. I am feeling the passing of time excruciatingly; watching the kids grow up has suddenly, hopefully temporarily, turned more bitter than sweet. However lousy I feel, I know I'll feel worse if I don't even take a stab at updating here, so some short notes:
  • Tonight, just minutes ago, I heard Jack chortling all alone, in the dark, in his crib. It was like a miracle. I can hardly stand it sometimes. I went in to enjoy the company and we had a talk about what was funny - the pacifier was funny, Pink Doll was funny, Grandma was funny, Aunt Deborah was especially funny. I want to crawl inside of him and live there.

  • Jack got tubes in his ears last week on Monday. We were pretty sure he needed them but not 100%; we're now the "after" video of parents saying "I wish we'd done it a year ago." He's slept through the night every single night since it was done. He was amazing at the hospital; they said that most kids get really upset about the mask. I tried to head it off by talking about playing dress-up, and wearing a mask. Luckily all the nurses and doctors were already wearing theirs; he was confused but okay about it after that. Stewart held him on his lap and I knelt in front of him and we sang "ABC" and then "Twinkle, Twinkle." About 3/4 of the way through Twinkle I watched the focus go out of his eyes; he slumped over and the nurses transferred him to the table. I lost it entirely and Stewart led me out. Less than 20 minutes later it was all over. Jack, right before surgery:

  • Nate was really sick for the first time in years - spiking in the 102s, laying in bed alone for hours, feverish for 5 full days. He let me lay next to him in bed and rub his back; it was all the comfort I could give him. He started fighting the Motrin after a few days, so he would just lay still and sad in bed or on the couch.

  • Nate and I like to watch the "cake shows" together now: Ace of Cakes and The Cake Boss. He thinks every cake is beautiful and amazing. I think he's beautiful and amazing.

  • Today I put little chocolate-chip mini-scones in their after-school snack and Jack said "Mama? Tastes chockate!" It was the first "observation" type statement he's really ever made and it blew me away.

  • Jack loves cereal with milk.

  • Nate says "like" every third word now. Last week he told me "I kind of have like a headache."

  • When Jack is done with his cereal, he lifts the bowl up to his mouth and slurps up all the leftover milk.

  • Stewart has taught the boys to lick their fingers and then stick them in the sugar bowl. They all say "Mmmmmmm....good!" Jack says "Mmmmmm....DOOD!" with amazing force and relish.

I meant to add some photos but my new computer has a wacky photo program and if I wait to figure it out I'll never get this posted. The end.

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